Our mystery matronista is back with more exclusive insights from wifedom. Pay attention ladies, you just might discover that being married isn’t all mistletoe after all!
'We' instead of 'Me': Holiday Edition
Ahhhh, the holidays! There’s no better time of year.
You have vacation time and oh so many options. What will you do? Will you read that long anticipated book by the fire? Will you organize your closets? Maybe you’ll catch up with family and friends that you haven’t seen in a while. Maybe you’ll sit at your mother’s house and eat yourself into a comatose state. Maybe you’ll catch up on your favorite reality shows or movies that you haven’t seen on your TiVo or DVR. Maybe you will just take a fabulous trip to Europe.
Singlelistas, the options are limitless!
However, once you say “I Do”, your holiday plans are no longer entirely your own. If you thought you had too much to do during the holidays as a single woman; once you add the hubby, you can multiply your list by two (not including gifts).
Don’t get me wrong, it’s a wonderful feeling to be a part of a dynamic duo. However, truthfully speaking, when I first found out that I had to cancel my long awaited holiday spa visit complete with a peppermint facial scrub and gingerbread foot salts for one of his Christmas gatherings, my initial feeling was one of resentment.
I had so many questions.
When did he find out about the event anyway?
Whose function is it?
How does he even know these people?
Does he HAVE to go?
Hell, do I HAVE to go?
When it came down to it, none of the answers to these questions even mattered. What mattered is that these events were important to him and he wanted his wife to be there. PERIOD.
Well, either I could have continued to be resentful or I could choose to be happy about spending that special time of year with the man that I love. I chose to take the positive route, and had to take the following steps to come to terms with relinquishing some of my holiday time:
1. Be considerate. I know it’s difficult, but try to place yourself in your significant other’s shoes. I like to show up fashionably late with my husband on my arm at my events. So why should I feel that my husband feels any differently about being with me at his events?
2. Have an honest conversation with your significant other about their expectations for the holidays. Through trial and error, I’ve learned to start the holiday season by asking my husband what he plans to do for the season. This includes what events he wants to attend, what events he wants to host, what friends and family he wants to see, how much he plans to spend, what events we can go to solo, etc. From there, I give input about my plans. Then we compromise if there are any conflicts. (Trick: Unless your mate is more social than you, ask him what he plans to do first- 9 out of 10 times, he has 3 things compared to your 10. My hubby tends not to put up as much of a fuss if he thinks that his events got first preference.)
3. Communicate your intentions to your family and friends. Prior to me meeting my husband, my family was a neat little foursome and we spent all of our holidays cooking, eating, talking, watching movies, and just enjoying each other’s company. The first holiday that my husband and I were together, we spent half of the day with his family and the other half with mine. I felt so guilty because I felt that I destroyed our neat little foursome, by having a husband. It just wasn’t the same anymore. Weeks prior to the holiday, I sat down with my family and talked about my holiday plans so that we could devise a way to make it through the holiday without anyone feeling neglected. I also try to let my friends know if I have any conflicts early on, so that I can schedule other times to see them one-on-one if possible.
4. Prepare. Prepare. Prepare. You may attend several events in the same day, so be sure to dress to accommodate all of the events and do your shopping or preparing of dishes early. You keep a better attitude if you don’t allow the events to be overwhelming.
5. Make the best out of the situation. Happiness is a choice. You may not think you have much in common with your mate’s friends, family, and/ or co-workers, but you’re a renaissance woman. Your expansive knowledge allows you to relate to anyone from a CEO of a Fortune 500 company to a five-year-old child. If you just can’t bring yourself to enjoy the food, the surroundings, or the music after a while, and then go to number 6.
6. Tag out. You and your significant other need to have a sign or code word for when either of you have had enough. If his family or co-workers get on his nerves after a while, it’s likely that they’ll get on yours much faster. Both of you have to agree that after the code is given that you are leaving- and soon.
7. Make time to do something that you want to do for yourself. The great thing about following tips 1-6, is that after all is said and done you can do what you want with your time. Sneak away on a Sunday after church (while he’s watching football) and get a holiday flavored drink at a local coffee shop and read your favorite book or magazine.
Being a matronista can be a fabulous thing! However, going from “me” to “we” during the holidays can be a trying process.
So for you all of you “MEs” out there, enjoy the freedom of the season, and have yourself a holly jolly holiday!
Love life…every SINGLE moment of it!
-XOXO
PS- Need more convincing that singlelista holidays are DEFINITELY worth celebrating? Check out THIS ARTICLE, written for The Singles’ Salon founding editor and recently published onBettyConfidential.com. Single bells, anyone?
