I mean sure, those among us who had the luxury of growing up in a two-parent household got a front row to seat to our parents' marriages, and of course, there is the never-ending marital bliss we get to see courtesy of our TVs and nearest movie theaters, but how often do we really get to examine what it means to be married, and more importantly what it means to no longer be single?
So often, we women push, fight, and kill to get down that aisle, but do we really know what awaits us after we jump the broom?
Well singlelistas, your fab single-god mother's got you covered! Beginning today, and on thehe first Wednesday of every month hereafter, The Singles' Salon will proudly present to you Notes from Down the Aisle, a series articles written expressly for you about what the transition into marriage has really been like for some.
The wives who participate in this feature have promised to be candid and forthcoming with you about what it's really like to be a bride- well after the festivities have stopped.
Below, please the find our first installment of "Notes from Down The Aisle." Is the grass really greener on the other side?
Take your pens out singlelistas, class is officially in session!
Giving up you for him
"The showers have dried up. The “I Do’s” are done. So, what now?
As a former singlelista (and current singlelista at heart) after the nuptials, I looked in the mirror one day and didn’t know quite who I was or who I was supposed to be. I had always taken such pride in being strong, independent, successful, and free to do anything my heart desired. I was also self-confident and forward-thinking enough to feel that if the right man came along, that marriage was an option… and if not, I would continue to be single and fabulous for life.
Well, it happened! The whirl-wind love affair, brief engagement, and lovely wedding transformed me from the woman who I had always seen myself as (and grown to love by the way) to a person that I didn’t even know. Being strong took a back seat to letting my husband handle it. The independent woman traded in “I” for “we”. My successes seemed to merge with his and the freedom to fulfill all of the desires of “my” heart had to be “our” decision. I was afraid that I had given up being the fabulous diva that I was for my husband's sake.
Singlelistas, finding your prince charming is only half of the battle. The real work is in keeping Mr. Right, keeping Mr. Right happy, and remaining happy yourself… all while trying not to sacrifice who YOU really are (if you’ve even discovered who that fabulous woman is yet). Whew!
To keep my sanity during this identity crisis, I quickly had to realize one thing- in my journey from a singlelista to a matronista, there had to be some CHANGE. I could not continue to be the same person because my life was just not the same anymore. I had to adapt to the current situation because my many (too many) single days were now a thing of the past. Now whether this change was “for better or for worse” (pun intended), that was up to me.
I decided that the Stepford Wife kind of changing was not for me. Besides, wearing a lace-trimmed apron and baking a bundt cake is SO not my style. I decided to make a couple of adjustments at this is juncture in my life to enhance my life without destroying the integrity of the person that I had worked so hard to become:
I HAD TO BE MORE CONSIDERATE- Fortunately (and unfortunately) it’s not just about me anymore. I am a quintessential Leo and it has always been all about me. However, when I got married, surprisingly I found myself being concerned about what my husband felt or thought or what other people thought about him for that matter. I don’t just represent myself (or my momma’s home training) anymore.
I HAD TO STOP BEING SO HARD ON MYSELF- As a perfectionist with a Type-A personality; it has always been hard for me to admit failure or defeat. I thought that I was a superwoman and could do everything (and do it well). Once I reached the point of exhaustion, I realized that I am indeed, as much as I hate to admit it-- HUMAN. However, we do everything our husbands do and more. So, if the dinner doesn’t come out perfect, order take out. Or even better...let him cook!
These are just a couple of the changes that I have made and I’m still making new changes every day. I've made a choice not to view the changes that I made as giving up myself for my husband, but as making the person who I was a better life partner-- but understand singlelistas, that is indeed a conscious choice.
When I decided to say "I do," I didn't realize then that I was also saying "I don't," as in "I" "don't" live here anymore. The I's no longer have it, I've become okay with that. Becoming "we" is definitely an adjustment, and it's one that you have to be absolutely certain you're ready to make.
Through all of the change however, there is one thing that has remained constant- I am ever-evolving, yet still absolutely perfect."
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Well singlelistas... there you have it! What do you think?
Are you really ready to trade in you for him? Got questions? Need clarification? Love it? Hate it? Want to know more?
Leave us a comment below. And let's get this convo started. Remember, we're in this single life together!
Live life… every SINGLE moment of it!
-xoxo
