Do You Want to Ride in My Mercedes, Boy?

Any TRUE 80's pop fan will recognize this post title as an homage to the Pebbles' classic "Mercedes Boy."

As much as I used to luvvvvv that song, that's not really what today's chat is about.

The other day, I was driving down the street thinking about my life and trying to determine whether I had any deeply buried sorrow about not yet having a husband and kids, as my aunt had suggested (ahem... insisted!) during our last convo.

Midway through my soul search for signs of oppressed regret, I came to a red light and, being the law abiding citizen that I am, pulled to a complete stop.  As my right foot became settled onto the brake, a silver minivan pulled to my left.  There, one lane over from me, I witnessed a horror scene that jolted me out of my attempted self-induced pity and pulled my life completely back into perspective.

Imagine this: A woman in her late 30's driving a silver minivan pulls up next to me.  Drowning out the  So Hard rhythms of  Rihanna on my i-pod, was the most annoying "latest hit" on Disney Radio I've ever heard.  As I went to roll up my window to provide some barrier of protection between me and the Mother Goose remix, I looked over and noticed how completely strained the driver looked.  Her hair was in an...umm..sorta-kinda-ponytail and her countenance screamed "Calgon, (or anybody for that matter) take me away!"

In her back  two seats were three children- a pair of twins that looked to be about 2, and a little boy that couldn't have been more than 4. 

There were crayons flying, babies crying, and  juice cups everywhere!

I was startled, frightened, and then appalled! I must have looked it too because the driver, the kids' mother I presumed, snapped me out of my trans by shooting me a glare that unequivocally read- "What the h*!$ are you staring at?"

Now, I'm not judging or condemning mothers. I 100% believe that motherhood is a beautiful thing, but in that moment I realized that not even that fabulous 3 karat diamond she donned on her left hand would make me want to trade places with her right now.

I'm sure somewhere deep inside of me is the desire to be a mother and doting wife one day, but I knew in that instant that today is not that day.

As the light turned green I quickly transitioned my foot from the brake to the gas and decided that at this time in my life, I don't need a husband, kids, and a mini van. 

What I need is a new convertible -  a two-seater or something that expressly says no car seats allowed!

A Mercedes maybe?

The search is officially on!

 Stay tuned and until then....

Love Life...every SINGLE moment of it!
-xoxo

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One Monkey Don't Stop No Show

I HAD A DATE.

Don't get too excited singlelistas, HAD is the operative word.

I was supposed to meet a friend for dinner tonight.  The date had been decided upon earlier this week.  The time was confirmed last night, and the location was finalized this afternoon.  I HAD a date!

So you know what that means loves, my "effortlessly fashionable, no I'm not trying too hard, I just always look this amazing" date night dress was selected 3 days ago.  The hair and makeup run-through ritual was performed last night, and my witty "get him with the looks, keep him with the charm" one-liners were perfected this morning. I was all ready for a flawlessly executed evening.

Then I got the text.

"Hey babe. I'm going to have to take a rain check on dinner tonight. Something really important just came up. Let's try again for later this week."

*blank stare*

First off, the only place I know that actually issues rain checks is K-Mart, and I haven't been there since I stopped going back-to-school shopping with my mom. Second, "something really important?" So... what am I? Something really unimportant apparently. Third, did he really think that after being cancelled on via TEXT MESSAGE, that I would actually be willing to "try" anything with him later this week, next week, or any other time in what I predict will be my long and prosperous life???

*3 blinks*

After accepting that I would not be having a hopelessly romantic,When Harry Met Sally kind of night after all, I did exactly what any other self-respecting singlelista of my fabness would do...

I slipped on my get 'em girl dress.

I glammed up my hair and makeup.

I drove down to that Thai restaurant I'd been dreaming about all day  (because of course I'd gone online, reviewed the menu, and decided what I'd be ordering as soon as we picked the place, and was by now salivating at the mere thought of the spicy basil noodles I'd  be having later this evening!).

I ordered my meal, a glass of  white wine, and green tea ice cream for dessert.

I sat with myself, at my table for 1 and  silently recalled (and laughed at) all my witty lines, listened to my thoughts, and enjoyed my own company.

I have to say singlelistas, I had a wonderful time with me tonight. I was stunning; I had great (internal) conversation, and I even saw a couple of guys from other tables (and dates) checking me out. 

I was my own best date tonight and I think I'm going to meet up with me again soon. 

In fact, as I've been writing to you all, I just got a text from him, asking whether we can reschedule for Thursday night.  I think I'll write him back and tell him that I'm already committed for Thursday evening, with the person who stood in for him tonight!

Take that! Take that!

Love life...every SINGLE moment of it!
-xoxo

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Ooh...Right There...Don't Stop!

Girrrrrrrrls!!!!! As your fab, fairy, single-godmother I am obligated to let you know that I have discovered the secret to living a happy, single life!

Forget what you've heard; you don't need a mate, what you need is a good masseuse! (Actually, did you know that masseuse is the feminine form of masseur? Yep, so technically male or female, it doesn't really matter- just get you one!) What you need is someone who can rub, caress, and stroke your troubles away!

For the past few weeks, I've been working overtime and my body has been feeling the burn.  Because I don't enjoy access to the live-in body-rubber that my married friends enjoy as a bonus to their lifetime commitment, morning after morning I've been waking up all kinds of sore, and unable to move parts of my body that I previously didn't know existed, in ways that I'd otherwise have been unable to imagine.

The final straw was this shooting pain that had taken up residency in my neck, thereby rendering me unable to execute my signature, attitudinal, neck roll on-demand. Foreign body discomforts were one thing, but impeding upon my divatude could not be tolerated, so I did what I am now demanding that every true singlelista do on a regular basis. I called my friendly, neighborhood spa and booked an appointment for a one-hour Swedish massage- STAT!

An hour and a half after hanging up the phone, I found myself laying nude on a table under the ambient glow of flickering, scented candles, surrounded by a soundtrack of melodies that calmed me beyond all of my inhibitions.  For the first time in a long time, I was completely at ease.

Once my attendant got started, it was hard for me to stop myself from audibly expressing exactly how much pleasure I was deriving from her work.  With each masterful stroke of my body, I could literally feel the stress of my life melting away. With each caress I felt lighter and lighter and by the end of our time together, I felt completely weightless.  

Mmmm.....this is how life should feel everyday!  All I needed was a glass of champagne to top me off and I'd have emerged from that small, intimate, setting positively glowing!

Leaving my appointment feeling like a new woman, I thought back to the last time I'd felt that sensational, and I realized it was when I was with my ex last--whenever that was.  What I experienced earlier that day wasn't sexual at all, but it was completely satisfying just the same.

So after doing a little digging (because singlelistas are curious and are always looking to better understand ourselves and the world we live in), I learned that our skin is in fact our bodies' largest organ, and that when touched it triggers our brain to release endorphins.

Now, without turning this into a medical dissertation on the benefits of massage, I am hereby declaring that it is absolutely mandatory for all singlelistas to get more rubbin' in our lives!

If you haven't done so lately, visit your local spa and indulge in your own almost-better-than-orgasmic experience. If you've already been recently, book another appointment and try a new massage type (warning- I'd be careful with the deep tissue massage; I hear it's not for the faint-at-heart!).  

And as you're laying nude on a table in a dimly-lit room of your own remember, This Rub's for YOU!

Love life!

-xoxo

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Ring the Alarm

OK...let me go ahead and apologize now for all the Beyonce references, but the truth is- We at the Singles' Salon absolutely L-O-V-E her! We know that she's happily married, and we're ecstatic for her, but Ms. Fierce is Fab and she's always been-- waaaay before she jumped the broom. So while we can't profile her here as a Singlelista we love, she is kinda' like our fairy married godmother. Besides, she did give us the eternal single girls' anthem Put a Ring On It (All the Single Ladies), so she at least deserves to be an honorary Singlelista for that!

Now for the business at hand... (ahem...at HAND...get it!?! No?...OK, read on...)

A few months ago, the New York Times ran this article about a new class of non-commitment rings that give new meaning to the term "statement pieces." 

From divorce rings, to single-and-looking rings, jewelers are  finding...umm...interesting...ways to capitalize on the deep pockets (and designer pocketbooks!) of Singlelistas who have yet to receive, or have already removed their wedding bands.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm a self-proclaimed aficionado of right-hand rings (after all, diamonds are a girl's best friend!) and the Tiffany Celebration Rings had me coo-coo for karats, but this new crop of bedazzelment has me wondering whether or not this has gone too far.

For example, do true Singlelistas really need a bit of bling to show the world that they are available and happy? No, I mean literally, as in the Available and Happy (Ah) ring or the Single ring?

Or what about the Ms. Taken ring that is designed to look like an engagement set to help women ward off unwanted advances? Call me old-school, but it'd seem to me that you could simply say, "If you think you're getting my phone number, then you're sadly ms.taken!"  See- I just saved you $30. That's a spa mani-pedi; no need to thank me now!

As for the divorce rings, I can probably see the appeal. I've never taken that walk down the aisle but I'm pretty sure I'd meld my ring into something fabulous too if I had to take it off-- a platinum mansion maybe?  I must confess however, that I find the whole wedding ring coffin to be a bit creepy.


I don't know. Some of it seems a bit over the top to me.  Do we really need gimmicks to display our pride and self-worth? Couldn't that be accomplished in just the way we carry ourselves? Or, perhaps what one of my favorite sorority sisters likes to say is true, "The more bling the better!"

I'm not judging; I'm just asking.  At the end of the day, do what feels good to you! After all, that's what being a true Singlelista is really all about- Self-love and self-confidence. Now that has a nice ring to it!

....

Now do you get the "at HAND" joke?

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Right?!?!

Ok, fine!

Love life!
xoxo

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Single Celebs We Love: Cameron Diaz

Every week we'll bring you a celeb Singlelista who shows the world exactly how FAB living single can be. This week's pick is none other than the spicy, Latina, heart-breaker Cameron Diaz!!

On the heels of her box office thriller Knight and Day (which is a total must-see if you haven't checked it out already!), Lady Diaz is showing the world that she's truly got it all: an amazing career, a body most women would die for, total ownership of her perfect- imperfections (p.s. did you know that Cameron digs her wrinkles?), and a new boy toy that even makes  married women swoon (Heyyyyy A-Rod!!!).

Having been romantically linked to men the rest of us only dream of, Cameron has never seemed to lose sight of who she is or become lost in any of her love-capades.  From Matt Dillon, to Kelly Slater, to Justin Timberlake, to her current flame Alex Rodrigues, Cameron seems to always know when to tell the boys to cry her a river (Sorry! corny Timberlake joke, I know!) and move on with her fabulous life in check.

America's favorite blue-eyed, Hollywood sweetheart is walking proof that you really can LOVE LIFE....Every SINGLE moment of it!

-xoxo

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The Salon is Now Open!

Well Singlelistas, you've waited long enough...

We're thrilled to announce that The Singles' Salon is now open!

Welcome to the most glam place on earth, where you never need an appointment and walk-ins are ALWAYS welcomed!

Here, we celebrate being fabulous, fearless, and oh yeah- SINGLE!  At the Singles' Salon, it's never about male-bashing, it's about loving your life, right now, today, just as it is!

Everyday we'll dish on beauty and glam secrets (after all, this IS a salon!), fashion and style, luxury and lifestyle, career and business, travel and entertainment, single celebs, chick-flick reviews, girls' night out suggestions, and all the things that make a woman's life worth living.  The Singles' Salon is the ultimate destination for all things fab, and here you're always VIP! So let your hair down, reapply your lip gloss, grab a glass of vino, and let's toast to the single life!

For all my Singlelistas(TM) out there, here's a fun dance tune I ran across today to help you celebrate the fact that you're woman enough to LOVE LIFE....every SINGLE moment of it!

-xoxo

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